Friday, April 30, 2010

Holding On

I want to take this time to thank everyone for their prayers for my Dad who is currently in a Coma. Today is his 16th day in a coma.

This was a very tragic accident and we are all coping in very different ways. There is not a single way to grieve. There are many ways. Some chose to grieve in public, some, like me, chose to grieve in private.

My father and I didn't have a "fantastic" relationship, we had a "distant" relationship. However, I still loved him, my way. There are only two people close to me who know exactly how I feel about him. I pray that the Lord allows him a second chance for him to renew all his relationships, including mine.

As I watch him on his ICU bed, motionless, I go back in time thinking how different things could have been. The "What If" questions start pouring on my head. During this last 16 days, I have felt a mixture of emotions all in one. I have felt anger, guilt, sympathy, love as well as conflicted. I will not defend the way I feel, because they are mine and they are neither right or wrong.

Seeing my dad motionless breaks my heart. I don't feel I need to show it, but I do feel the pain. My hope is in the Lord that he may raise my father from his coma to a new beginning.

These last 16 days have been difficult for everyone. I have been trying my best to still carry on at home with my daughters who have no clue what is going on. It is difficult at times, to laugh with them, but I must. I don't want them seeing me crying all the time. I must carry on for them and my husband. John has been extremely supportive of me and family and I thank him for that.

Seeing my dad in a coma makes me appreciate my family even more. If you are angry at someone, make amends. If you hate someone, forgive them. If you are not getting along with someone, sit down and talk about each other differences and don't leave without a solution. If you don't, you will come to regret it. I have.

Life is too short and we only have a short time to make it right.


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