Being Human - Grief Is Not a Mental Illness

I have been given prescriptions for depression among all other things but I have always refused to even purchase them due to the fact that these pills do not fix the problem; they only put a blanket over the issue at hand. And yes, I'm very normal, only that I deal with my issues differently. People view having depression as abnormal and if you grieve longer than month, one is seen as being stuck and one is no longer well perceived by those who "are normal."
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By: Chuck Colson
Published: March 14, 2012

How do emotions become mental disorders? Well, it depends how you define “mental disorders.”

Last year, Dr. Marcia Angell began a two-part series in the New York Review of Books by writing, “It seems that Americans are in the midst of a raging epidemic of mental illness, at least as judged by the increase in the numbers being treated for it.”

Her use of the word “seems” told readers that Angell, who teaches at Harvard Medical School, was skeptical.

That’s putting it mildly. Obviously, Angell doesn’t doubt the reality of mental illness or the toll it takes on people. Her concern is that it is becoming “harder and harder to be normal.”

Case in point: A National Institutes of Mental Health survey of random adults found that 46 percent met the American Psychiatric Association’s criteria for mental illness at some point in their lives.

Angell calls this finding “astonishing” and asks the obvious question: “Why?”
One answer is the ever-expanding definition of “mental illness.” As Angell pointed out, back in 1968, within most Americans’ lifetimes, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the so-called “bible of psychiatry,” contained 185 diagnoses.

By 1980, it had risen to 265. The 2000 edition reported 365 and the next edition, to be published in 2013, will undoubtedly have more. Among possible new entries is something called “grieving disorder.”

When you think about it, the idea of grief as mental illness is absurd. As the British medical journal The Lancet put it, “Grief is not an illness; it is more usefully thought of as part of being human and a normal response to the death of a loved one.”

Grief is our response to loss and to reminders of our finitude. We grieve because on this side of eternity nothing good lasts forever.

While neither grief nor loss is good in and of themselves, the experience of them can be beneficial: It can help you gain perspective and can make us more resilient. I’m not denying that real suffering is involved, but even if we just muddle through the experience we can become stronger. I’ve given to many friends who are grieving a wonderful book by C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed.

Of course, there are people for whom grief turns into a debilitating downward spiral. They need and should get professional help. Some people may need medication, but The Lancet is right when it says that, in most cases, “doctors would do better to offer time, compassion, remembrance and empathy” instead of pills.

The journal is also correct when it says that classifying grief as mental illness is part of a larger pattern of “medicalizing” everyday experiences. Instead of being shy, people suffer from “social phobia;” people who were once called “jerks” are now described as having “antisocial personality disorder.”

This is, as Angell tells us, partly driven by our infatuation with pharmaceuticals. A psychiatric label means that there may be a pill that will make it better, and TV ads regularly promote it.

The real problem is that we increasingly see ourselves as biochemical machines with brains instead of souls. What we think and feel is the product of brain chemistry and correcting what ails us is a matter of tinkering with that chemistry.

This worldview has no place for compassion, remembrance, or empathy because, ultimately, it has no room for being human, especially a normal one.

Putting on the Brakes

A First Look at ''Second Chances''
By: Chuck Colson

Divorce is epidemic in the culture and, I’m sad to say, in the Church. Can that change?

In her 1968 country tear-jerker about her divorce, Tammy Wynette sang about her son and about-to-be ex-husband, “I love you both and this will be pure H. E. double L. for me. Oh, I wish that we could stop this D.I.V.O.R.C.E.”

New research shows that Tammy is not alone.

Working with the Institute for American Values, principal investigators Professor William Doherty of the University of Minnesota and retired Georgia Supreme Court Justice Leah Ward Sears discovered that “About forty percent of couples already deeply into the divorce process report that one or both spouses are interested in the possibility of reconciliation.”

According to their study, “Second Chances: A Proposal to Reduce Unnecessary Divorce,” this means that a significant number of divorces are preventable and thus unnecessary.

Most people believe that divorce is the result of long-term marital strife, but this turns out to be false. As Dr. Doherty and Justice Sears wrote in the Washington Post, “[O]nly a minority of divorcing couples experience high conflict and abuse during their marriages. Most divorces occur with couples who have drifted apart and handle everyday disagreements poorly.”

And they add, “It is these ‘average’ divorces that research shows are the most harmful to children.” And because the state has a compelling interest in the wellbeing of children, the state also has a compelling interest in preventing these unnecessary divorces.

That’s why Doherty and Sears have gone beyond research to develop a proposal for changing state laws.

First, they recommend a one-year waiting period before a divorce is granted. The decision to divorce is often made when emotions are hot. Once the papers are filed, couples find themselves on what Justice Sears calls “the divorce superhighway.”

As a result, couples find they don’t have the time, the tools, or the space to reconsider. A slower road, especially for couples with children, will allow couples to consider the consequences of divorce against other options.

Second, they recommend a mandatory early warning letter from the spouse intent on filing for divorce. It’s a way of putting the other spouse on notice that, “we have a problem” before the legal wheels begin turning. And it would trigger mandatory pre-filing education for parents of minor children.

Doherty and Sears go on to recommend that couples contemplating divorce have access to marriage reconciliation services whether they use them or not. While many couples with troubled marriages seek counseling, most therapists aren’t adequately trained in couples counseling and many feel they should be neutral on the question of divorce. Second Chances recommends proper training and a pro-marriage bias for counselors.

Second Chances is “a modest proposal” to reduce divorce, and I am all for it. My question for Christians and for churches is, why wait for a new law? Do we really believe that marriage was instituted by God, that He intended it for human flourishing, and that marriage and the family unit are the cornerstones of civilization?

Then for heaven’s sake, let’s use our creativity and gifts to do everything we can to help struggling married couples stay together.

Fighting for Family Dinners

Every night, at the Seaman family dinners you will hear someone farting and of course everyone laughs, yesterday Sofia said she made a motorcycle sound while farting. Clever! But when we ask Raquel what noise she made, she puts it plain and simple. "Fart."

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It's Good for Your Kids!
By: Chuck Colson

Would you do anything -- anything -- to protect your children from harm? Then get cooking.

The dangers facing young people today are many: premarital sex, drug abuse, suicide, and dropping out among them. And if you listen to the “experts,” there are no easy answers for protecting our kids. And of course they are right. But saying there are no easy answers is entirely different from saying there are no answers.

I believe there is something moms and dads, aunts and uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers can do and start doing it tonight — that’s right — tonight — to make a real difference in the lives of our young people. It’s time to reclaim the family dinner.

I’m not saying this out of some kind of nostalgia for Ozzie and Harriet and the supposedly golden age of the 1950s. Families had problems back then, too. But I think a lot of families back then knew something many of us have forgotten: That it’s good to sit down together for a meal.

The dinner table is not only where we share good food and drink. It is also where we share our values, what happened to us during the day — the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s where we ask questions and learn from each other. In a relaxed atmosphere we can talk about our faith. The dinner table can be a great refuge from life’s hard knocks and stresses.

That’s not just my opinion. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University finds that teens who have dinner with their parents three or fewer times per week are four times more likely to smoke, twice as likely to drink, two-and-a-half times more likely to smoke marijuana, and four times as likely to say they will use drugs in the future as those who eat dinner five to seven times a week with their parents.

These findings mirror the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which is the largest longitudinal study ever done on adolescents. This study has some amazing statistics. Of twelve to fourteen year olds who don’t experience family dinners at least five days a week, 14 percent report drinking more than once a month. That’s kids twelve to fourteen. But for those who have family dinners, it’s cut to 7 percent!

Also, 27 percent of twelve to fourteen year olds who don’t have regular family dinners say they think about suicide, compared with only 8 percent of those who do eat with their families. Among seventeen to nineteen year olds, 68 percent without the influence of family dinners have had sex, versus 49 percent of those who have had family dinners.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Family dinners are vital — not just for food but for bonding and learning.

Now you’ll say: “Okay, having dinner with my kids is a good idea, but we’re just too busy.” Friend, believe me, I understand. In many homes, both parents work and have little time to cook food, let alone go to the supermarket and shop for it, and then clean up. And let’s face it: Our kids are just as busy as we are.

And look, I understand, instituting a welcoming and relaxing culture in the kitchen or dining room can seem daunting. Family dinners take planning, cooperation, and work. Your kids might protest at the new routine — at least at first. That’s okay. They will likely come to love it.

Get started, and see what works for you. But don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Twice a week is better than none.

And I bet you’ll find being together as satisfying as a steak dinner with mashed potatoes and gravy. Bon appetit!

The Help

Seeing Sin through Cinema
By: Chuck Colson
Published: August 16, 2011

Sometimes, we can look at sin right in the mirror and not recognize it. But when we see it through a camera’s lens, it’s easier to spot.

Sometimes we Christians we don't see the sin right in front of our faces; our culture, upbringing, or personal attitudes seem to block it. And that's where the arts can help us -- whether the sin is deep in the past, or very much in the present.

Last week a film opened that beautifully illustrates my point. It's called The Help, and it’s based on the bestselling novel by Kathryn Stockett. The story is set in the early 1960s, in Jackson, Mississippi, when the fight for civil rights was gaining international attention. The film tells the story of a young, socially prominent white girl named Skeeter who's just graduated from college. Skeeter wants to be a writer, and comes up with a dangerous idea: To secretly interview the black maids who raise the white children of Jackson, Mississippi, and find out how they really feel about their employers.

Their answers are a revelation. Skeeter's eyes are opened to the irony of white employers who depend on their maids to raise their children -- and yet won't allow them to use the same bathrooms. If a piece of silver goes missing, a maid can be blamed, based on no evidence whatsoever, and arrested. When a maid named Yule May asks her employer for a loan to help her sons attend college, she's treated like a simple-minded child.

Although the white employers are church-going Christians, they are often blind to the humanity of those who work for them -- blind to their right to be treated with as much respect as their white neighbors. Ironically, these same white Christians raise funds for poor African children, but aren’t concerned with the financial needs of blacks in their own area -- maids and gardeners who are badly paid for their hard work.

As Skeeter gains a greater understanding of how unfairly blacks are treated, she begins to rebel against the attitudes of her own friends and family. She ultimately pays a price for breaking the rules -- ostracized from social gatherings and a permanent breach from the boy she loves. When Skeeter's book of interviews is published, the town explodes.

The Help, of course, is a work of fiction and it is no indightment of the South; it is meant to illustrate how we all are so often oblivious to our own sins, and we are often better able to see them through fiction than by abstract theological discourses.

Biblical figures knew all about the power of a good story. Remember when the Old Testament prophet, Nathan, confronted King David about his affair with Bathsheba? Nathan didn't offer David a dry lecture on the sin of adultery. Instead, Nathan spun a story about a rich man who took the only lamb belonging to a poor man. In order to get past David's defenses, Nathan told an allegorical story.

The Help is a reminder of the racism in America's history, but more to the point, it reminds us how easy it is for us to be blinded to personal and societal sin.

The Help is rated PG-13 for thematic reasons. If you see it, discuss it with your friends over dinner. And then ask yourself a hard question: Are there any sinful attitudes in your own life that you have been blind to? Attitudes that violate the letter and the spirit of the teachings of Christ?

Sometimes we just need a little artistic help to see them.

Embracing the Moral Order

Jane Austen’s Marital Advice
By: Chuck Colson

Why is it that so many people who want so badly to get and stay married, end up crashing on the marital shoals?

The experts have a lot of ideas about why marriages crumble. But one of my favorite answers comes from someone who gave literary marriage advice — some 200 years ago: Jane Austen.

Miss Austen had a delightfully satirical eye — an approach to life that was reflected in her novels. But as Benjamin Wiker points out in his new book, 10 Books Every Conservative Must Read, Austen, the daughter of a clergyman, also had a strong and biblical core of common sense — especially when it came to romantic relationships. Her books reflect the moral order, and celebrate marriage itself.

Wiker notes that Austen lived during the early Romantic movement. The Romantics were lived a life “defined by the passions of the moment. For them, to feel is everything.”

In her novel, Sense and Sensibility, Austen describes the inevitable consequences of this approach to life. It's the story of two sisters, both of whom fall deeply in love. The elder sister, Elinor, “has learned to govern and guide her passions by reason,” Riker says — and ultimately marries a man of good character.

By contrast, the younger sister, Marianne, indulges her passions without regard for prudence. Although Elinor warns Marianne against giving her heart to an attentive young man she barely knows, for Marianne, Wiker notes, “passion is the thing. Feelings must take the place of judgment.” And “being a creature of sensibility, Marianne has no sense,” no interest in learning good moral judgment, which involves “training feelings by habit and reason.”

Marianne had yet to learn what C.S. Lewis taught: that the question is not what feelings we happen to have, but what feelings we should have. Therefore, Wiker says, “We must educate ourselves to train our thoughts and feelings to correctly reflect the actual moral order.” Marianne saw no need to do this — which is why, in time, her heart was broken by the worthless young man she'd so quickly — and imprudently — fallen in love with.

Unfortunately, our culture has taken Marianne's attitude to its logical — and tragic — conclusion, Wiker notes. Like the Romantics, modern liberalism celebrates “the victory of sensibility over sense, the passions over reason, self-absorption over moral duty, romantic anarchy over tradition.”

Jane Austen would have been “rightly horrified at our not heeding her warning, but unsurprised by the results” — including, sadly, the high divorce rate, and the seduction of so many unthinking young women by men of bad character.

How much happier we would be if both men and women took the time to learn good moral judgment, and retrain their more impulsive feelings to reflect the moral order. Instead of rushing headlong into marriage, they should go slowly, inviting the advice of wise parents, friends, and church counselors.

Were Jane Austen alive today, she'd make a wonderful speaker for our Centurions program. While it may be “a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife,” as Austen satirically put it, she would make sure her readers learned a more serious point: That the route to marital happiness is recognizing that there is a moral order, and that we ignore it at our peril.

Inflated Expectations - How not to Treat Your Spouse

By: Chuck Colson

What do you expect from your spouse?

In a 1999 film titled “Music of the Heart,” a character named Roberta begins a relationship with a man named Brian. At one point, Roberta—whose husband had left her—asked Brian a question: If you ever met a woman who fulfils your needs better than I can, would you leave me for her?”

Brian’s answer: “Theoretically, yes.”

June is the traditional month for weddings, and in my view, every engaged couple ought to watch this film, and discuss it with marriage advisors in their church. As Robin Phillips notes in a BreakPoint article titled Generous Love, it’s all-too-common today for brides and grooms to seek to have all their needs met in the person they are about to marry.

Certainly, marriage does satisfy many of our needs, Phillips writes, but “at best it does so partially and imperfectly. At some point, our marriage partners will always let us down.”

Are we wrong to seek personal fulfillment in our spouses? Of course not. The problem is that, in expecting our marriage partner to meet all our needs, we are seeking fulfillment in the wrong place. No mere human can possibly meet all our needs. Only God can do that.

Phillips quotes Augustine, who said in his Confessions, “Seek what you seek but not where you seek it.” Interestingly enough, the Bishop of London made the same point in his outstanding homily during the recent wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

As the bishop noted, “As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This,” the bishop said, “is to load our partner with too great a burden.”

He's right.

And when we do this, it’s not surprising that we are often tempted to move on to someone else whom we think can do a better job of meeting our needs. This is why we must ground both our lives and our marriages in Christ. When we do this, “a deeper type of love can kick in,” Phillips writes -- a “generous love rooted in the other-centeredness of Christ.”

Again, quoting the Bishop of London’s marriage homily: “Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves...In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.”

Are you on the verge of getting married? What are your expectations of your spouse?

To dig deeper into issues like these, I highly recommend that you undergo the kind of marital preparation recommended by Marriage Savers, a ministry created by my friend Mike McManus.

Bullying the Boy Scouts

Liable for Doing the Right Thing

By: Chuck Colson
Published: April 25, 2011

I’ve been warning you that the current push to legitimize homosexual conduct and so-called gay “marriage” represents today’s greatest threat to religious liberty. I’ve told you about attacks against iPhone apps for the Manhattan Declaration and Exodus International, as well as a boycott of Chick-fil-a.


Their crime? Supporting marriage as only between a man and a woman and having the temerity to not support so-called gay "marriage."

The Boy Scouts’ politically incorrect stands on homosexuality and atheism have long put this great organization in the extremists’ cross-hairs, and now the pressure is getting even more intense.

The Scouts prohibit open homosexuals from serving as leaders. That’s because the organization believes that “homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the obligations in the Scout Oath and Scout Law to be morally straight and clean in thought, word, and deed.”

How’s that for straight talking, friends?

But now, in the St. Louis area, parent associations working with the public schools are severing ties with local Scouting groups rather than face the risk of lawsuits alleging -- you guessed it -- discrimination based on sexual orientation.

According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, in March, the Missouri PTA advised all of its 420 member units to stop hosting charters with the Boy Scouts because the agreements put them in legal jeopardy.

An official with the state PTA said the advice to local associations is not a criticism of the Scouts but rather flows from the liability issue. The official said, “We’re not telling them, you absolutely can’t. “We’re saying, it’s not in your best interest to do that.” A Scouting spokesman, however, says insurance provided by the Boy Scouts would preclude any financial or legal jeopardy to PTA sponsors.

But for cash-strapped schools and PTAs, just the threat of a lawsuit is enough to get them to abandon the Boy Scouts. And the gay-rights groups know it.

In fact, in the name of fighting discrimination, the gay-rights extremists are working overtime to shut down -- to discriminate against -- one of America’s finest organizations, which aims “to prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes.”

In other words, the Scouts want to help youngsters in “Doing the Right Thing,” which just happens to be the title of the six-part video series on the restoration of ethics in America we’ve just released at the Colson Center. It’s available now at DoingTheRightThing.com.

So what are we Christians to do amid this latest controversy? One thing’s for certain. We can’t cut and run, which is exactly what the gay-rights extremists are hoping we will do.

Here are a couple of suggestions. First, pray for the Scouts, that they will be able both legally and financially to practice their beliefs in our supposedly free society. Second, send money or donate your legal expertise to help whenever these harassing lawsuits arise. And third, support your local Boy Scout troop. Become a Scoutmaster or other volunteer.

The Boy Scouts have served God, country, and all of us for all these years. Now it’s our turn -- and privilege -- to serve them.

A Call to Grace

Why 'The Grace Card' Is the Best Recent Christian Movie
By: Esther J. Archer

The slew of Christian-themed movies hitting theaters in recent years has caused different reactions from moviegoers. Some of these movies are done well, and others make you walk away from the theater ashamed that you paid the price of admission and popcorn.

The Grace Card, in this author’s opinion, is the best film in this recent trend because it is authentic, and instead of throwing “God” in the face of the viewer, it displays God’s grace for all to see.

Mac McDonald's life is falling apart. His wife is seeing a counselor because of their marital and family issues, he was passed over for a promotion in the Memphis police department because of his attitude, and his son is using drugs and failing out of private school. Mac believes all of his problems started with the accidental death of his other son 17 years earlier, when he was hit by a suspect during a police chase.

What Mac does not realize is that bitterness and racism have been overtaking his heart and alienating him from those that love and care for him. To make matters even worse, he's forcibly partnered with the African-American man who received his promotion. Now they have to spend countless hours a day on patrol with each other.

Sam, an African-American minister, is an officer for the Memphis Police Department because his new church cannot afford to bring him on full time. His heart is torn between doing "the Lord's work" and the "worldly" job that allows him to pay the bills and feed his family. Now his new partner Mac is taking things out on him, and Sam has a crisis of faith. How can he as a representative of God, not only in the pulpit but in his daily life, hate his brother?

It confuses and hurts Sam that Mac’s hatred, distrust, and emotional detachment toward him are undeserved. Even when they are in pursuit of an armed gunman, Mac breaks protocol and goes it alone without Sam as backup.

Sam realizes that he acts “nice” towards Mac, but he knows his inner motivation is not love, so his niceness is of no lasting value. He considers quitting the force altogether and just trusting God to provide the money for his ministry, but he has no clear direction from God about whether he should leave. It takes a visit with his grandfather and a look at an old family document to shift Sam’s focus and start a chain reaction of grace.

The Grace Card may be a Christian movie, but it is one with great audacity. It does not tread lightly around issues of racism, forgiveness, and grace. This is a challenging movie for those on both sides of prejudice. It demonstrates that bitterness or wrong feelings toward anyone because of his or her ethnicity, personality, or beliefs is not acceptable behavior from a civilized human being, let alone a believer in God.

On the other side of the coin, it calls for those who have been wronged to forgive the offender and give grace, especially if the other person’s attitude is still seeped in sin and bitterness. If we only love those who like or love us, what use is our love to the world? We are called by Christ to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). However, most of the time we tend to respond in our flesh and return evil for evil.

The feel of this movie is authentic and simply perfect. Immediately, from the opening credits, you sense the Memphis blues feel in the air. The cinematography is beautiful and gritty, a mirror image of the city. The acting is a bit campy in parts, but Louis Gossett, Jr., as Sam's grandfather, gives the class and stability the movie needed to make it an excellent viewing choice. Watching the story unfold (with a few surprise twists!) was an enjoyable experience, leading me to strongly recommend it both for movie lovers and for those who love grace.

Digitally Dangerous

Rewiring Our Minds
By: Chuck Colson

Before you run out and buy yet another electronic device for your kids this Christmas.

Vishal is a bright high school senior who hopes to study filmmaking in college. There’s just one problem: Vishal is rewiring his brain in such a way that he may never enjoy the career he dreams of.

As Matt Richtel reports in the New York Times, like many teens today, Vishal spends a big chunk of his day on his computer--on Facebook, playing video games, creating digital films, or sending text messages to friends.

Richtel writes that the digital world—cell phones and computers—may actually be changing how developing brains work. He notes that many kids do homework at the same time they’re texting friends. Others talk on the phone while texting other friends at the same time. And they all spend many hours every week surfing the Internet.

This kind of activity, according to Richtel, means that the brains of kids like Vishal “can become more easily habituated than adult brains to constantly switching tasks—and less able to sustain attention.”

In effect, they develop a need for stimulation. That may be why Vishal’s grades are not that great, and why he never got around to finishing the one novel he was supposed to read over the summer for school. As he told the Times, on YouTube, “you can get a whole story in six minutes. A book takes so long. I prefer the immediate gratification.”

Well, Vishal’s right about that. That’s precisely, of course, the problem. Too much time online also affects the ability of teens to recall their homework—assuming they managed to get it done in the first place. Researchers in Germany found that kids who play video games not only damage their ability to sleep well, they also affect their capacity to recall vocabulary words. One of the researchers, Markus Dworak, told the Times that he wasn’t sure if the problem was the disrupted sleep or “because the intensity of the game experience overrode the brain’s recording of the vocabulary” words. Whatever the cause, the result is distracted kids, low grades and unimpressed college admissions staffs.

This is clearly something to be alarmed at. But Christian parents have additional reasons to be concerned. Digital distractions may make it harder to focus on faith.

Not long ago I talked about a terrific new book titled The Anatomy of the Soul, by Christian psychiatrist Curt Thompson. Dr. Thompson describes how the classic spiritual disciplines of prayer, meditation, fasting, confession, and study all foster the development of our minds; they help us to encounter God, relate to others, and increase our attentiveness.

Clearly, spending too much time in the digital world, which hurts our ability to focus, is going to make it hard to engage in spiritual disciplines, which require concentration. And our minds will not develop as God intended them to.

We need to share this information with the people in our lives who are seemingly addicted to text messaging, video games, social networking, and the like. Young people need to know that excessive time online may harm, not only their ability to perform academically, but also their capacity to worship the Lord and interact with His people.

And we all need to remember that we were born wired to connect—not with machines, but with a holy God.

Friendships and Flock Comedies

Mile-Wide, Inch-Deep
By: Chuck Colson

When it comes to friendship, find out why more really is less.

David Brooks, the insightful New York Times columnist, has been watching a lot of television lately—comedies, to be specific. Brooks has noticed a shift in how television treats friendship. “For most of television history,” Brooks writes, “sitcoms have been about families.” But now, Brooks observes, “Today’s shows are often about groups of unrelated friends who have the time to lounge around apartments, coffee shops and workplaces exchanging witticisms about each other and the passing scene.”

Brooks and other cultural critics say that this change to what are called “flock comedies” reflects a deeper cultural shift brought about by new technologies and trends such as extended adolescence. “With people delaying marriage and childbearing into their 30s,” Brooks writes, “young people now spend long periods of their lives outside of traditional families, living among diverse friendship tribes.”

The hit new movie, “The Social Network,” chronicles the invention of one of these technologies, Facebook in 2003—that’s right, two thousand and three. Think of how differently we communicated less than a decade ago! Today more and more people communicate with the outside world primarily through their laptops or cell phones. We all know people who have gathered hundreds of so-called “Facebook friends”—if not thousands of them.

But as good and useful as these social-networking technologies can sometimes be, what are they doing to our concept of friendship? As has been said in other contexts, if our friendships are a mile wide, they are probably no more than an inch deep.

According to an American Sociological Review study called “Social Isolation in America,” as of 2004, the average American had just two close friends. That compares with three in 1985. Those reporting no close friends at all exploded from 10 percent in 1985 to 25 percent in 2004. Even the share of Americans reporting a healthy circle of four or five friends had fallen from 33 percent to just over 15 percent. And keep in mind that most of this decline took place before Facebook had really taken hold.

Sure, Facebook may allow us to keep some kind of connection with friends and family with whom we find it hard to stay in touch in these busy times. But is a Facebook friend as good as a real friend? I think not. Referencing the biblical characters of Ruth and Naomi, David Brooks wisely notes, “Throughout history, the most famous friendships were one on one.” The Greek philosopher Aristotle said that close friends “share salt together.” According to author Mark Vernon, they “sit with one another across the course of their lives, sharing its savor — its moments, bitter and sweet.”

Such friendships take time—both quality time and quantity time! They cannot be rushed, and they cannot be created virtually.

So am I saying you should unplug your television set or power down your computer? Now, that’s a tempting thought. But no, when it comes to developing the kinds of relationships that last, and that have a lasting impact, we would do well to emulate Jesus. The Savior, while relating to the multitudes, focused his time on twelve often thick-headed disciples, including an inner circle of three men—Peter, James, and John—one of whom, John, was called “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”

If we want to change the world and experience satisfying relationships, sometimes less really is more.

The Pink Ribbon Campaign

Are We Funding Breast Cancer?
By: Chuck Colson


You’ve seen them everywhere: pink ribbons and wristbands to raise awareness about breast-cancer prevention. But before you donate, find out where the money is going.

Susan G. Komen for the Cure, formerly known as the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, is a big promoter of the pink ribbon campaign. It raises money for breast cancer detection and research, and it awards grants to many worthwhile programs.

But as the Life Issues Institute points out, “In a counterproductive twist, Komen is also funding a group that actually promotes a possible cause of breast cancer.”

The cause? Abortion. The group? Planned Parenthood.

According to Life Issues Institute, in at least 22 states, Komen affiliates send donated money directly to Planned Parenthood--$3 million dollars over the last five years. This money frees up Planned Parenthood’s own funds for other purposes—such as promoting the morning after pill and performing abortions.

Komen for the Cure denies the abortion-breast cancer link. But many studies seem to confirm it. For instance, Dr. Joel Brind, an endocrinologist and founder of the Breast Cancer Prevention Institute, found that “choosing to end a pregnancy through an induced abortion, especially the first pregnancy as a teenager, significantly increases breast cancer risk.”

Dr. Janet Daling, a cancer epidemiologist who supports legal abortion, says, “I would have loved to have found no association between breast cancer and abortion, but our research is rock solid, and our data is accurate.” And in 2007, the Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons found that women who have an abortion increase by 40 percent their risk of breast cancer.

Many Americans who buy those pink bracelets may not be aware of the strong Links between Planned Parenthood and the Komen foundation. Komen founder Nancy Brinker once served on the advisory board of Planned Parenthood of Dallas. One Komen Advisory Board member, Eve Sanchez Silver, resigned when she found out how just how strong the link was between Komen and the nation’s Number One abortion provider. Shockingly, Silver says the Komen Foundation’s “Concern for the health of women is now parallel to Planned Parenthood’s concern for the health of the children that they abort.” Those are strong words.

The Komen Foundation also endorses embryonic stem cell research, which kills human embryos.

Odd as it may seem at first glance, the link between abortion and breast cancer is evidence for the truth of the Christian worldview. The scriptures teach that murder is wrong in God’s eyes, including the murder of those who are being knit together in their mother’s womb. We should not be surprised to learn that abortion, which involves a sudden disruption of the mother’s natural physical processes, carries with it the seeds of destruction for mothers, as well.

If you want to support breast cancer research—a very worthy cause--check out the Polycarp Research Institute or the Breast Cancer Prevention Institute. But before you donate to any organization, do your own research.

And when you see people wearing those pink ribbons, tell them that you like raising awareness of breast cancer, but caution them that they’re funding an outfit that may actually be increasing the breast cancer rate: Planned Parenthood.

Waiting for Superman

The Need for Education Reform
By: Chuck Colson

Are public schools rigged to benefit adults more than children? A new movie sheds light on the issue.

The ground-breaking new documentary, Waiting for “Superman” vividly highlights the problems with our public education system—and may prove a spark for educational reform across the country.

The film follows the lives of five children as their parents desperately try to enroll them in high-performing charter schools. The problem is, there are so many children trying to get into these schools enrollment is determined by lottery—often with heartbreaking results.

While highlighting the touching stories of these children, the film is a strong indictment of the adults responsible for the poor educational conditions these children are so desperate to escape.

A prime target of the movie are the teachers unions who oppose reforms and have been a key to creating a system where bad teachers can’t be fired. This indictment of the teachers unions is particularly stinging since the director of Waiting for “Superman,” Davis Guggenheim, can’t be dismissed as a conservative. He previously won an Oscar for directing Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth.

Guggenheim exposes our broken education system and highlights prominent reformers like Michelle Rhee, the recently-resigned Chancellor of the Washington, D.C. public schools.

In the wake of Rhee’s resignation, the Washington Post called her a “superstar of the education reform movement” under whose leadership, “student test scores rose, decades of enrollment decline stopped and the teachers union accepted a contract that gave the chancellor, in tandem with a rigorous new evaluation system, sweeping new powers to fire low-performing educators.”

Guggenheim stumbled on the topic of education reform as he drove his children past three public schools every day to drop them off at their private school. Overcome with guilt, he realized that there was a story behind the obvious problem that not every willing child in America has access to a first-rate education.

In that moment, Guggenheim was inspired to tell this important story, and the movie will no doubt spark thousands of similar moments of inspiration for parents across the country.

Unfortunately for America’s school children, the teachers unions have gone on the offensive. American Federation of Teachers President Randi Weingarten has cautioned the public that the film doesn't paint the whole picture, citing high performing public schools around the country.

But Ms. Weingarten is missing the point. This movie is not about finding a scapegoat; it’s about creating a system where great teachers can be rewarded and schools can meet the academic challenges of today.

But it will be a long, hard slog. As Waiting for "Superman" shows, the system is rigged in favor of school bureaucracies and teachers unions over schoolchildren.
Guggenheim's film about global warming created a firestorm of controversy and legislative action. And Waiting for "Superman" is certainly on track to become a full-fledged movement in its own right, while reinvigorating the education reform agenda nationwide. I urge you: go see it.

In Celebration of Labor

The Value of a Good Day's Work
By: Chuck Colson

The bumper sticker read, "I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go." Well, that's what many--including Christians--think about work. Find out about the goodness of work.

With an election on the way, candidates are attending picnics and rallies accross the nation in celebreation of Labor Day. Too many will denounce the rich and pander to the dissatisfaction and fears many workers feel. Work to many, you see, is a necessary evil. The goal in life is to put in enough time to retire and relax.

But that attitude and that goal is contrary to a Christian worldview perspective on work.

Christians, you see, have a special reason to celebrate Labor Day, which honors the fundamental dignity of workers, for we worship a God Who labored to make the world—and Who created human beings in His image to be His workers. When God made Adam and Eve, He gave them work to do: cultivating and caring for the earth.

In the ancient world, the Greeks and Romans looked upon manual work as a curse, something for lower classes and slaves. But Christianity changed all of that. Christians viewed work as a high calling—a calling to be co-workers with God in unfolding the rich potential of His creation.

This high view of work can be traced throughout the history of the Church. In the Middle Ages, the guild movement grew out of the Church. It set standards for good workmanship and encouraged members to take satisfaction in the results of their labor. The guilds became the forerunner of the modern labor movement.

Later, during the Reformation, Martin Luther preached that all work should be done to the glory of God. Whether ministering the Gospel or scrubbing floors, any honest work is pleasing to the Lord. Out of this conviction grew the Protestant work ethic.

Christians were also active on behalf of workers in the early days of the industrial revolution, when factories were "dark satanic mills," to borrow a phrase from Sir William Blake. In those days, work in factories and coal mines was hard and dangerous. Men, women, and children were practically slaves—sometimes even chained to machines.

Then John Wesley came preaching and teaching the Gospel throughout England. He came not to the upper classes, but to the laboring classes—to men whose faces were black with coal dust, women whose dresses were patched and faded.

John Wesley preached to them—and in the process, he pricked the conscience of the whole nation.

Two of Wesley's disciples, William Wilberforce and Lord Shaftesbury, were inspired to work for legislation that would clean up abuses in the workplace. At their urging, the British parliament passed child-labor laws, safety laws, and minimum-wage laws.

Here in America we've lost the Christian connection with the labor movement. But in many countries, however, from Canada to Poland, that tradition still remains strong.

Much of our culture has a distinctly Greek view of work: We work out of necessity. But, you see, we are made in the image of God and as such we are made to work—to create, to shape, to bring order out of disorder.

So this Labor Day, remember all labor derives its true dignity as a reflection of the Creator. And that whatever we do, in word or deed, we should do all to the glory of God.

How to Talk to a Teacher

Good Guidelines
By: Chuck Colson

What do you do if you have a concern about what your child is learning in school? Talk to the teacher, of course. But how you do it might make all the difference.

If you are the parent of a public school child, you may be wondering what challenges your children will face at school when it comes to their faith and values. Last year, a research group surveyed a thousand 20–29 year olds who used to attend evangelical churches on a regular basis, but have since left the church. To their surprise, researchers found that, the vast majority of them began having doubts during middle school and high school.

It’s important that you know what values your children are exposed to in school. At some point you may need to talk to your children’s teachers about a concern you have about a classroom activity or reading selection.

Eric Buehrer, author of Keeping the Faith in Public Schools: How to help your children graduate with their faith and values intact, advises parents how to take a successful approach to talking to a teacher about a concern.

He points out that when it comes to addressing a concern in your school, you can either be a lamp or a blow torch. To be a lamp, Buehrer recommends what he calls the “Help Me Understand” approach.

Before you talk to the teacher, think through why—if what you heard from your child or another parent was accurate—you would like the teacher to change the activity or assignment. Then, use the following four-steps to discuss the issue with the teacher.

First, start the conversation by using the phrase “Help me understand. . .” For example, if you are concerned about a particular reading assignment, you might start by saying, “Help me understand why you chose this book for the students to read.”

At this point in the conversation you want clarification. Don’t jump to conclusions about the motives of the teacher. Don’t be angry. Be sincere in trying to understand the point of the assignment.

The next step Buehrer recommends might, at first, sound unnecessary, but it’s important: Affirm, in general, what the teacher is trying to do. For example, you might appreciate the fact teacher wants the students to learn about the environment, but you are concerned about the particular bias of the book she is using. At this point in the conversation, don’t jump to your concerns. Finding “common ground” is an important part of the discussion.

Buehrer then advises that you transition to your concern by using the phrase, “But have you considered . . .” And don’t assume the teacher will oppose you. In fact, it is better to assume the teacher will agree with you once you explain your concern. It is often the case that a teacher is thinking of one reason for the lesson or book selection, but hasn’t considered what students might learn or be exposed to that the teacher didn’t have in mind.

Finally, if the teacher agrees with you, ask her advice about what might be a good alternative for the class. Of course, the teacher may ask you for your ideas, so be sure you’ve done your homework! Have some alternatives you can present her if she’s open.

Now, if the teacher doesn’t agree to change what the class will be learning, ask for an alternative assignment for your own child.

Marriage As Therapy or Covenant?

By Chuck Colson:

What's marriage all about, anyway? Well, like almost everything else, that depends on your worldview.

Last week, another prominent couple made headlines by announcing the end of their marriage. It was former vice president Al Gore and his wife. I know both of them and always thought they were a perfect couple.

I am disappointed for them and saddened. Indeed, that seems to be the overwhelming reaction from the public and the media. Many, who saw the Gores as an ideal, loving couple who enjoyed and endured the ups and downs of public life together, wondered aloud if the Gore’s couldn’t keep going after 40 years, who can?

Well, that depends, as does so much, on your worldview.

And a perfect case in point is an article from last Friday’s New York Times entitled, “What Brain Scans Tell Us About Marriage.”

Author Tara Parker-Pope reported on recent research into the neuroscience of happy marriages. She cites one study in which 17 madly-in-love couples underwent a brain scan. When an individual was shown a picture of his or her spouse—ta-da!—the scan showed activity in that part of the brain associated with romance. In older couples, Parker-Pope writes, “researchers spotted something extra: parts of the brain associated with deep attachment were also activated.”

The researcher, Dr. Bianca Acevedo explained, “They have the feelings of euphoria, but also the feelings of calm and security that we feel when we’re attached to somebody.”
Dr Acevedo added, “I think it’s wonderful news.”

And I do, too. Parker-Pope, after highlighting the key to a happy marriage, asks two questions that highlighted for me exactly why marriages today are crumbling. One, “how much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences?” And two, “how much has knowing your partner made you a better person?”

What do these two questions have in common? They are the epitome of the postmodern, therapeutic worldview—the worldview that asks one and only one question: What’s In It For Me?

Thus Parker-Pope can end her article on a happy postmodern note, quoting a Wharton School Economist: The Gores “had 40 years of marriage . . . The fact that they both can look forward and see a promising future by not being married [is] a celebration about how much optimism they have for the rest of their lives.”

Well, I cannot put such a happy face on divorce, nor do I mean to single out the Gores for criticism. Far from it, because I know all too well the pain divorce creates.

But I can’t stop from noticing how far our culture has drifted from the faith that founded it. Even 40 years ago, marriage was seen as a covenant, a sacrament in some traditions—a promise before God between a man and a woman to be faithful to one another until death did them part. Not seeking the good for one’s self, but the good of the other.

But in our therapeutic culture, as Parker-Pope’s questions illuminate so brilliantly, this has been turned 180 degrees. Marriage is now just another path, or obstacle, to self-fulfillment.

Please don’t tell me worldviews don’t matter. Or that they can’t shape a culture. We’ve gone in 40 years from the Christian belief in a lifelong commitment to seeing divorce as the start of a promising future. Please.

Would Jesus Get a Tattoo? The Marks of a Christian

My thoughts exactly on Tattoo's! I couldn't have said it any better! I will show this article to my daughters when they are older, and I pray and hope they stay away from this awful trend.
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By: Chuck Colson

Seen an interesting tattoo in church lately? You’re not alone. But should Christians tattoo themselves?

In Herman Melville’s classic novel, Moby Dick, a character named Ishmael is forced to share lodgings with an unknown man. When he wakens in the night, he is terrified at the sight of his roommate—a savage, covered head to toe in tattoos.

As S. M. Hutchens writes in Touchstone magazine, readers in Melville’s day did not have to be told that this man was a pagan; his tattoos made it obvious. Readers understood that tattooing one’s body was not a Christian practice.

Especially was this true among Calvinist-leaning Christians of New England, who stressed the continuing applicability of Old Testament law, which, in Leviticus, forbade tattooing marks upon one’s body.

But today, 160 years later, even some conservative Christian authorities don’t think the ban on tattoos applies. This law, they declare, has been superseded by the coming of Christ. They consider tattoos an area of Christian freedom. Well, maybe they’re right—I’m not a legalist.
But as tattoos proliferate in the Christian church, we ought to begin to think a little more seriously about them.

First, let’s remember that God forbade the Israelites from tattooing their bodies because this was a practice among the pagans. God wanted His people to be set apart, and not mimic the customs and behaviors of the gentiles. And the New Testament tells us to treat our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. They are not raw material on which we simply carve graffiti.
Second, tattoos today point to the principal things in which people locate their identity—membership in the Navy, for example, or maybe a gang or a tribe. Even young women who mark their bodies with flowers or butterflies are aspiring to a certain identity. Hutchens writes, “These things, however, are in fact not principal things and through which we are not meant to mark our identity.”

Christians need to ask themselves as well an important question—that is, what are (or should be) the marks of a Christian?

According to the New Testament, the marks of believers are faithfulness, patience, kindness, fortitude, and love. Hutchens writes these marks alter, not the skin, but the countenance of believers—so much so, he says, “that the faces of the saints can be distinguished by those who look upon them.”

In other words, the marks of the Christian ought to be spiritual—etched into our souls—not etched onto our bodies.

Some believers argue that there’s nothing wrong with a Christian-themed tattoo, like the cross. And Christians who get them do so out of love of Christ. But believers ought to ask themselves which sort of mark God would prefer. Tattoos last a lifetime—unless they are painfully removed. But the spiritual marks of a Christian last through all eternity.

In the end, Hutchens writes, many Christians reject tattoos, not because the Old Testament prohibits them. Instead, an “understanding of the higher and the lower, the superior and the inferior...[keeps] Christians from emulating what remains for that reason a pagan practice.”
And this is what we are going to remind our friends and our kids if they’re thinking about getting a tattoo or, even worse, a body piercing—God would prefer us to carry the true and visible marks of a Christian: faith, hope, and love.

This is Why He Came and Died

This Is Why He Came and Died
By: Chuck Colson

Reflections on Good Friday

Can it really be just three months ago we gathered with loved ones to celebrate Christmas? What joy we felt as we celebrated the birth of the baby Jesus. Emmanuel. God with us.
But today, on Good Friday, we reflect on how that beautiful babe in the manger came to fulfill a mission. A terrible and glorious mission! God invaded planet Earth. He became a human child, to live as one of us, to call us to repent, to love God with our whole heart, minds, and souls, and our neighbors as ourselves.

And today we should tremble and shudder as we remember the horrible climax of His mission. Beaten, scourged, mocked, and stabbed, Jesus mounted the cross, receiving the just punishment for your sins. For my sins. For the sins of the world.

This is why He came and died.

Yes, Easter is coming. The light is at the end of the tunnel. But that’s days away. Today, stop. Think about why He came and died.

He came because He knew that mankind was lost. He knew that we would kill our own babies in the womb by the millions. And that many would call this horrible evil good.
This is why He came and died.

He knew that hatred would drive men and women to strap bombs to themselves to kill innocent people in the name of religion.
This is why He came and died.

He knew that man would deny that God was his creator. That man would seek to remake himself in his own image, tamper with the genetic code, and treat human life as mere test-tube material.
This is why He came and died.

And He knew that His own bride, the Church, would grow cold and distant, forgetful of the faith given once for all. Comfortable with the world and its ways. Seeking relevance instead of love, pleasure instead of holiness.
This is why He came and died.

And He knew that you and I, covered with sin, could never stand before God, our all-holy Father, without His supreme sacrifice.

So today, don’t look ahead to Easter. Instead, reflect on the Passion. Examine your life. And repent! Repent of your sins, repent of your coldness of heart. Ask God to grant you the desire to serve Him, your Lord and Master, with all your strength.

And then, please, ask God for a spirit of repentance and revival to sweep down upon the Church—and upon the nations of the world. It is our only hope in these terrible, dark times.
We speak so often on BreakPoint about Christianity being not just a relationship with Jesus, but an all-encompassing worldview—a way to see and understand all reality. But the Christian worldview is brought into focus only by the cross.

Indeed, if the joy of Christmas and the glory of Easter are the light by which we see all reality, then the cross, Good Friday, is the lens through which we see it.
Allow me to recommend a wonderful resource to help you meditate on the depth and wonder of Good Friday—and how it defines all of reality. It’s called Death on a Friday Afternoon: Meditations on the Last Words of Jesus, written by my dear friend, the late Richard John Neuhaus.

May God bless you on this terrible, wonderful day.

Miracle at Planned Parenthood

I'm determined to go and pray at one of these places sometime this year. My only hope is that someone walking in to these horrible places of death will have a change of heart and keep their precious baby. -Sandra.
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Miracle at Planned Parenthood
Saving Lives, Winning Souls
By Chuck Colson

If your conscience required it, could you turn your back on the job you’d dedicated your entire adult life to?

That’s what Abby Johnson did. After nine years as director of the Planned Parenthood clinic in Bryan, Texas, Johnson left in October to join the Coalition for Life, a group that holds prayer rallies outside that same clinic—and a group of which she had once been a vocal critic.
Johnson cites two reasons for her decision to walk away from Planned Parenthood. First, she says, it bothered her that the organization was so focused on performing more and more abortions in order to bring in more and more money.

Johnson had believed that pregnancy prevention was Planned Parenthood’s main goal. But, she says, “It seemed like maybe that’s not what a lot of people were believing any more, because that’s not where the money was. The money wasn’t in family planning, the money wasn’t in prevention, the money was in abortion.” And Johnson reports she had “a problem with that.”
But as Johnson tells it, the moment that really changed her heart occurred when she was called in to help with an actual abortion procedure, which was not part of her regular duties.

This was her first time watching the procedure on an ultrasound. She says, “I could see the whole profile of the baby...I could see the whole side profile. I could see the probe. I could see the baby try to move away from the probe....I just thought, ‘What am I doing?’...And then I thought, ‘Never again.’”

Two weeks later, looking out the clinic window and seeing members of Coalition for Life outside praying, Johnson walked out of the clinic and joined them.

She has never looked back.

As you might expect, no one at Planned Parenthood knows quite what to make of Abby Johnson. The recriminations have been flying thick and fast. They’re accusing her of lying about why she left, of stealing files from the clinic where she used to work, of any number of other things.

Apparently, they don’t know how to handle the idea that her conscience might have convicted her.

But Johnson’s story should serve as a cautionary tale for pro-lifers. For all of us as a matter of fact. Especially when we’re dealing with polarizing issues like abortion, we Christians must remember that our fellow human beings are not the enemy. Here’s one where we thought the woman was. But she saw the truth.

Remember, Paul spells it out so clearly for us in Ephesians: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

So even as we fight to save lives (and we’re reminded this week of the importance of that with the anniversary of Roe v. Wade) we must still keep our minds on our larger mission, which is to love the world. And it’s the only way we’re going to bring change.

Martin Luther King said it beautifully: He whom you would change, you must first love. This means every human being—pro-life and pro-choice—because everyone is made in God’s image. And we all, as the result of the Fall, stand in need of redemption.

So we need to do everything we can to reach out to the Abby Johnsons of the world, and pray that God will change their hearts—for their sake, and for His glory.

If it happened here with Abby Johnson; it can happen again.

Healthy Marriages, Healthy Society

Divorce is the easiest way to resolve problems in one's marriage. But divorce also brings the feeling of failure. Even if the person feels good about divorcing the feeling of failure is there in their heart. You can't escape it. To save one's marriage it requires lots of work, which many couples decide not to do because it is too much time consuming and is easier to give up than fight for it. I quit my marriage but then decided that it was worth fighting for it, praying for it. In return, God has blessed me beyond my imagination. My prayers is that all couples going through separation and divorce see beyond their pride and differences and come together as one to become better partners for each other. -Sandra.
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National Marriage Week
By Chuck Colson

“Vast human experience confirms that...where marriage is honored, and where there is a flourishing marriage culture, everyone benefits—the spouses themselves, their children, the communities and societies in which they live. Where the marriage culture begins to erode, social pathologies of every sort quickly manifest themselves.”

Well, I couldn’t agree more, simply because of what I’ve witnessed in 34 years ministering inside the prisons with Prison Fellowship. Every time I set foot inside a prison, I see the results of splintered families. So many of the prisoners I talk to tell me about growing up without dad.
Indeed, the Department of Justice reports that more than 60 percent of prisoners grew up in households without a father. Some 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes.

I firmly believe that if we strengthen marriages and make traditional marriage a priority, we will keep untold thousands of children from ever going to prison.
But by strengthening marriages, we will also keep many children from living in poverty—that’s because divorce impoverishes children and women. Of the children under age 6 who live below the poverty line, 59 percent live with single mothers, while a mere 6 percent live in households with married couples.

On the other hand, a report by the Institute for American Values shows that marriage is a “wealth-generating institution,” which provides married couples with the economies of scale, responsibilities, and support necessary to thrive financially.
Finally, divorce and out-of-wedlock births are extraordinarily costly to American taxpayers. The Institute for Marriage and Family puts the price tag at over $100 billion every year.

So the question is this: If strong marriages benefit society and are key to curing a whole host of social ills, where do we begin?
We have to start with ourselves—with the Church. Which is why I’m so excited that Christians from all over the country will be participating in National Marriage Week next month, from February 7th through 14th.

The organizers of National Marriage Week are urging every church in America to place marriage and family ministry on a par with worship, stewardship, outreach, and education.
That means marriage preparation classes, including teaching on dating and courtship. We also need marriage enrichment programs to strengthen existing marriages.

If we cannot strengthen and heal marriages in our own congregations, we have nothing to offer our society, which so desperately needs a renewed and vital understanding of the benefits and blessings of healthy marriages.

The Problem of Pain

I can understand why God permits pain in our lives; I believe is to make us whole, to make us grow and come to an understanding and look back at the things we have done wrong and repent. God is greater than our pain and as Christians, we all need to go through pain to get close to him, to understand him better and help one another. It is certainly not an easy undertaking; pain can leads us to loose ourselves into deeper sin and depression or to use the circumstances of pain to seek him and attain restoration through Him. I give thanks to Him for taking me in his arms and walked with me when I was at my worst experience of pain.

No pain, no gain. This is in fact true. Without pain, we do not come close to know him and know his grace and mercy for us. -Sandra.

"There are times when God permits pain to enter our lives, not just as a consequence of evil actions, but because He can see the big picture, and He knows that in the long run these painful experiences will help us."

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The Intolerable Compliment
By Chuck Colson

Why would a good God allow pain and suffering? It’s the age-old question. When we’re experiencing pain ourselves, or watching someone we love experience pain, no answer seems adequate, and our faith faces its severest test.

That’s why, as Ken Boa says on his latest Great Books Audio CD, it was a daring and risky project for C. S. Lewis to write the book The Problem of Pain.
As Lewis himself said, he was trying to tackle the intellectual side of the problem because he felt himself unequipped to tackle the emotional side. Lewis says in his preface, “For the far higher task of teaching fortitude and patience I was never fool enough to suppose myself qualified, nor have I anything to offer my readers except my conviction that when pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.” Beautifully said.

As usual, Lewis uses his characteristic blend of “logic and imagination” to tackle these tough questions. He explains that God takes the universe He created so seriously that He has to allow it to operate according to the rules He set up. Similarly, He has so much respect for our free will that He allows us to use it even when the consequences will be harmful.

As Lewis puts it: “It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives....Not even omnipotence could create a society of free souls without at the same time creating a relatively independent and inexorable nature.” He also says that if God corrected every abuse of free will at every moment, “freedom of the will would be void.”

But there’s more to it than that. There are times when God permits pain to enter our lives, not just as a consequence of evil actions, but because He can see the big picture, and He knows that in the long run these painful experiences will help us. With our limited perspective, this is so often hard for us to grasp. But God is so much wiser than we are that we cannot always understand His idea of goodness; it is not opposed to ours, but greater than ours. I have found this to be the case.

We often think that goodness simply equals happiness. Lewis writes, “We want in fact not so much a Father in heaven as a grandfather in heaven: a senile benevolence who as they say liked to see young people enjoying themselves and whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the end of each day, ‘A good time was had by all.’”

But God wants something more for us, Lewis says: “We are a divine work of art...something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.” God has paid us “the intolerable compliment”: He takes us and our moral development seriously and is working to make us holy.
One day, Lewis reminds us, the problem of pain will be solved. Evil will be destroyed and we will be perfected. Until that day, as Ken Boa says, we can find help and reassurance in a book that “has helped thousands, millions perhaps, reach greater understanding and courage in the face of life’s pain.”