It's almost 2am and I'm sitting here alone in a dark living room staring at this very bright laptop screen and I'm wondering why I'm still up. I have so much heart ache it is hard to describe. It feels like everything is coming apart. The weather is changing, days are flying by so fast it is so hard to keep up with what day it is or what day it is not. My job is getting stressful and the more I strive to make it, the more I feel like quitting and starting over but in fact there is so much more sunshine when I can hug my family everyday and give thanks to God for what I have and give even more thanks for the things that I don't have because they don't belong to me.
I strive to be a good wife and mother. There are days that it is difficult to juggle both. I fear failing at both because they are both equally important to maintain. Running a house is not a joke! It's serious work! I have learned that a husband looks to the wife to run the house, just like the wife looks to the husband for leadership and protection. Both jobs are equally as important as the other and each person looks for support from the other. When one fails, the other is handicapped.
At 21 years of age, I never pictured myself saying these words. But then, I didn't believe in marriage, now, I defend it. Trials and tribulations can change a person either for worse or for enlightenment to change one's way.
I could write a book about my trials and tribulations but why throw myself a pity party, right?
Whatever I'm doing in any given day, my dad is always on my mind, not to far away. I wonder if he can hear me when I'm talking to him or when I'm crying for him or when I'm asking him questions. I will never forget his last breath. As difficult as our relationship was, I truly loved him. I was too afraid to tell him. I only wanted acceptance from him. I wanted to make him proud of my stupid achievements.
He didn't give me what I wanted from him, but instead he taught me discipline and boundaries, through these I have been able to built a solid foundation that has given me numerous opportunities to build upon them successfully.
And for this, I thank you Dad, without these two, I wouldn't be the person that I am today.